Yesterday, a very dear friend of mine and TS was leaving for India. And we decided to go to the airport to see him off. Now this friend of ours was staying with another bunch of guys here- all of them bachelors. He came in with this group of guys, and introduced me and TS to them as his other friends here. And then, the wierdest thing happened. All these guys in question shook hands with TS, said the requisite “hellos” and “how are you doings” and that was it. I piped up with a hello and even stuck out a hand to one of the guys in between, but I was very quietly ignored. I was so mad I could strangle those guys. What the hell!! Do I not look like a human being? Or did I suddenly turn invisible? If you think your esteemed self is going to be sullied by shaking hands with a woman, don’t shake hands, a polite “hi” would do. At least acknowledge my presence. Or does me being someone’s wife naturally make me a non- person? Is my identity just that of some guy’s wife? Which century are these morons living in?
I was hopping mad by then, and the minute we were out of the hearing range of these aforementioned parties, I pounced on TS and launched into my oft delivered rant on how some men can be such idiots and the like. And then TS said something that set me thinking. He said that maybe they thought TS might have a problem if they acknowledged my presence with a hi or a handshake. Now all our close friends don’t have issues with these handshakes or even hugs ‘cos they know me and TS really well. But these guys were meeting us for the first time, and to them maybe TS might have looked like a typical Mallu husband who was dominating and controlling and disapporving of strange men shaking his wife’s hand. TS is anything but that.
But then again, I told TS, I don’t insist on people shaking my hand or anything. Just a polite glance in my direction and a hi would do. No harm in saying that right? And it doesn’t involve any kind of physical contact either. TS had no reply to this one. And that got me thinking even more.Why do men behave in this fashion? What is it about us that makes them not even want to acknowledge us? Are they a part of these group of men who think a woman’s identity is just that of a wife and nothing else? Do they think women don’t deserve respect?
I have come across men and women who are extremely possessive of their spouses. Like if you are at a party, and you laugh at some guy’s joke, sometimes you can find the over possessive spouse shooting daggers at you with her eyes. Or, if you are a guy and you compliment a woman on her outfit or something you can find the husband doing the same. Why is it that people tend to get so insecure in their relationships, I wonder? I don’t want to judge anyone. I really don’t know much about them or their background or their life and so it would not be fair of me to make assumptions on just one encounter. But still, it is weird how two people who have promised to love and honour and commit to each other completely for the rest of their lives can be so suspicious and doubtful of each other.
Maybe things are different with me and TS. I don’t know. Me and TS have known each other since we were in school. But that was just an occassional hi-bye kind of relationship. As we moved on in life and got to know each other better, we became very good friends. We both were dating different people at that time and would pour out our hearts to each other. Then we started getting even more closer to each other than before and finally fell in love and decided to get married. Maybe spending so much time with each other and knowing each other sowell helped. But again, I have heard stories of people being in love for so long and getting married and then turning into overpossessive monsters.
With me and TS, we are comfortable with each other’s friends. We know with whom we can be all goofy and comfy and hugging and all. And we know with whom we need to just stick to hi’s and shake hands. And most of our close friends I must say, have no issues with a hug or a shakehand or anything of that sort. Like my bestie Joey and me- I hug him, punch him, tell him I love him and I miss him and message him huge kisses and all. TS doesn’t even bat an eyelid. I met my friend Rachel after 3 long years in Feb of this year. She was meeting TS for the first time and the first thing she did was run right over to TS who was going to be content with a Hi and gave him a nice hugee hug. 🙂 And that took away any awkwardness that might be there among people meeting for the first time. I don’t have issues with all this. In fact, I like it when friends behave this way. 🙂 It shows the love and affection and familiarity that exists between people. But this is only for very few people. The rest, I make do with a handshake or if they are very traditional just wave and a Hi and if they are older, Good morning/afternoon or a Namaste.
But I still cannot fathom this kind of behaviour. I have never been subject to such an attitude either. I have always had people being polite to me. Even the ones that weren’t interested in talking to me but only to TS have always at least acknowledged me with a hi. I have gotten handshakes, hi- fives, waves, hugs and even the French- style air kisses, But nothing this rude. I can’t think of another word. This was plain and simple rude and left a very bitter taste in my mouth and enlightened me to the fact that these kind of men also exist on this planet. I have nothing to say to them other than that I pity them, That’s all.
PS: This post is not an effort to dissesct the mannerisms and behavior of the aforementioned species of men. It doesn’t aim to be a critical study of human behavior either. Its just a “getting things off my chest” post.